Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Syd's Request

My blob friend, Syd, suggested that I should start a blog to share some of my "stories" from my former and current life. So, here goes.....
There once was a wino who was missing his right arm. We called him "One Arm Dotson." His girlfriend was a skinny woman that had lost her vision. We referred to her as "Blind Mary." They hung out with several other winos in town. They slept in abandoned houses, tents in the woods, garbage dumpsters, or where ever they passed out. They only got a bath and clean clothes when they went to jail, usually on public intoxication charges. The town was dry, ie no legal alcohol sales, so our winos would buy Vanilla Extract or Bayrum Aftershave to drink and get their high. Talk about a combo of odors!
One night they were all drunk and had climbed down in a culvert to sleep it off. Instead, Blind Mary decided that it was a great idea to "service" all "the boys." She couldn't see so what did she care what they looked like. [her comment, not mine] So, things got rowdy and someone called the police.
My friend, BH, was the first to get there and told all of them that they would have to move on. They all started trying to climb their drunk asses up the hill. It was very steep and slick. They would get about halfway and fall over backwards laughing the whole way. A crowd of bored police formed at the top and began to try to catch a hand to haul them out. Welll....Wild Eye Jack and One Arm Dotson were gentlemen! They carefully guided Blind Mary up the hill far enough that one of the officers could catch her hand. She stood patiently at the top while everyone but One Armed Dotson got out. He was the drunkest of them all! He takes a running start up the hill and rolls back down. After several of these attempts, BH tells him to give him his hand and he would help him before he hurt himself. So off he goes again....running as hard as his drunk ass could go...up the hill...within reach of BH who is standing there arms outstretched. What does he do? He sticks out his nub toward BH winding it around like a windmill. It seemed like it was in slow motion. BH is hollering, "Your good arm...give me your good arm!" And we watch him roll ass over tea kettle back down the hill. By this time...all of third shift is rolling on the ground in tears . BH is screaming, laughing, "OMFG." Blind Mary deadpans..."Shall we go now?" and hooks her arm through Wild Eye Jack's and off they go leaving poor old One Arm Dotson in the culvert. He finally thought to walk under the street and climb successfully up the other side as if nothing happened. They let him go that night.