A friend of mine had to have the ol' female surgery and is recovering at home. Today, I got home from moving more of my mom's shit and got the following E mail:
Well, it has been 3 weeks since surgery. I feel fine and dandy. I tend to be a little slugish and need a afternoon nappy each day. I had a hormone patch the first week and lost a box so I decided to go without and see if I really needed those little ovaries. Things have been going fine and then I notice I was a little short with CW. Well, it was a bad day and I was in a hurry and she was driving wrong.
Then yesterday I got a call on my cell and could hear it but not find it. It sounded like it was coming from down in the couch. I looked and looked, pulled the cushions back, stuck my hand where no hand has gone before, actually picked up the edge and gave it a bounce to knock it out of wherever it was at. I decided to just cry and forget it. My phone was lost forever and I would never get another call. CW comes home and I am in a fetal position on the couch under a blanket. She inquires, from a distance, to my problem. I explained. She said she would call my phone and find it. It starts to ring, I get up off the couch and while standing there CW touches my front pocket. Yes, that right!! It was in my pocket. Well! I have not been wearing shorts with pockets until a day or two ago. I forgot...besides it sounded like it was in that satanic couch!!
Now, today is a new day so I had a few errands this morning. I went by sams to just renew my card. My Aunt called and I sit in the truck and talked to her a minute. I go in to get the card, need my business card, so I go back out to the truck and back in the store. When my business is done I go to leave and the truck is not there. No, it is not. I knew where I parked, it was right there! I start looking around for the camera's or some friends playing a trick but I see none. Finally, I see the truck about 4 lanes over, 3 feet from a huge light pole, just sitting there sideways in a parking place. How the hell?? I walked over there and "clicked" the lock, got in and everything looked fine. You tell me! Apparently when talking to my Aunt I left the truck running and put the gear in neutral so I could run the air conditioner and must have left it there. The parking brake was not on. I am insane!
It was a good thing it didnt hit someone, something or that damn huge light pole! I got in and drove home. I am back in the fetal position cover with a blanket and a schnoodle. I dont think I will get back out for a few days. Unless, I need to go get some of them hormones.
Unstable watching Cable
ROFLMAO ... this was a great finish to my day! Two storage buildings down, two more and a green house to go! Yeah!
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Words...Now and Then
Yesterday, I called my 79 year old mom on the way home from my workout.
Me: Hi mom. I am on the way home, do you need anything?
Mom: [very winded] No, I guess that I am ok.
Me: Why are you so winded? What have you been doing while I was gone?
Mom: I pulled some weeds in the garden and then I swept off the patio. It was really dirty after that little rain so I got out the blower and gave it a blow job.
Me: [silence…trying very hard not to laugh]
Mom: I guess you lost your signal …call me back when you can
She hung up on me and I almost wrecked my car I was laughing so hard!
Today, I had the whole day off from helping her so I went across the river. I ate lunch with Sharon and then went to find some new tennis shoes. I went to their bathroom and saw some really cool posters on the wall about running. I got a big laugh about one in particular:
The picture is of a guy decked out in running gear. The caption says, “Why do I run? I run because my girlfriend got a girlfriend.”
Me: Hi mom. I am on the way home, do you need anything?
Mom: [very winded] No, I guess that I am ok.
Me: Why are you so winded? What have you been doing while I was gone?
Mom: I pulled some weeds in the garden and then I swept off the patio. It was really dirty after that little rain so I got out the blower and gave it a blow job.
Me: [silence…trying very hard not to laugh]
Mom: I guess you lost your signal …call me back when you can
She hung up on me and I almost wrecked my car I was laughing so hard!
Today, I had the whole day off from helping her so I went across the river. I ate lunch with Sharon and then went to find some new tennis shoes. I went to their bathroom and saw some really cool posters on the wall about running. I got a big laugh about one in particular:
The picture is of a guy decked out in running gear. The caption says, “Why do I run? I run because my girlfriend got a girlfriend.”
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Here It Is
We rented one of these on vacation a couple of years ago and I have been wanting one since then.
Curtains please!
It even came with a toaster oven .... for recruiting purposes!
Curtains please!
It even came with a toaster oven .... for recruiting purposes!
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Graduation Present to Myself
I have not had a car payment since 1997 so after much soul searching and saving...I bought me a new ride!
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Oh Deer!
Today, we had a little sad excitement at school. It is exam week. The students take two exams each day and then they leave at noon. The second exam today was during my planning period so I was in my room packing up stuff for the summer. It was nice and quiet in my room and the hallway when I heard the teacher across the hall say, “There is a deer in the courtyard.”
I started toward my door when I hear what sounded like a gunshot down the hall. Students started yelling. I went into the hall and turned toward the office nearby when I saw a deer running toward the outside door from the science hall.
WTF?...... I do not teach in a rural school …we are in the middle of a town, population about 60,000!
The deer was slinging blood everywhere when he hit the outside door. It opened and the deer went into the airlock between the two sets of doors. It started running back and forth between the two sets of doors; body slamming the doors and windows trying to get out.
We have a custodian that reminds me of Tim Conway doing his fireman gig. He appeared out of nowhere, shuffled slowly to the door, opened it nonchalantly, and entered the airlock area, about 25’ by 8’, WITH the frightened bloody deer. He shuffled to the outside door, opened it, and stood there as calmly as if he was holding the door for an old woman. The deer figured that the door was open and hauled ass out of it toward the elementary school across the street.
The woman that works that office was standing behind a closed door squealing like a little girl. No one was doing anything but running around like they had gone mad. I went over and told her to open the door. She went back to her desk. I told her to call 911 and ask them to dispatch animal control. She picked up her little school system radio and looked at me like I was speaking German or something. I told the other woman that works the office to call the elementary school and tell them to do a modified lock down in case the deer went into their school.
Both of these women acted like their brains had run out the door with the injured animal. I had to tell the first one to put down the radio and use the phone to call dispatch, you know 911. The other one was saying that she didn’t know the number to the school. DAMN ….get your act together.
After three tries, the woman dialed dispatch and then looked at me and said, “What do I tell them?”
Mother fuck! How about telling them that an injured deer just broke through a 2” thick glass window, ran up and down our hallway, and then left headed toward the elementary school across the street leaving our halls covered in blood and broken glass. She just looked at me so I came around the counter, took the phone from her and gave dispatch the information. They sent animal control and our SRO. I was not sure that we ever made the call to the other school so I asked dispatch to call them too.
Meanwhile, Tim Conway shuffled back into the building and disappeared. I do not believe that his heart rate ever got above 60 and he was actually within injury range of the poor animal. The women in the office who were never in harms way were having a meltdown. Their heart rate was probably in the stroke range.
The terrified, injured animal ran all over the elementary school campus and then into the residential area where he was located and neutralized by a police officer. The poor thing had been hit by a car before coming onto our campus so his injuries were severe. I still would have hated to have been the officer that had to put him down. I eat venison but I do not hunt.
I reverted to teacher mode and returned to my classroom. Three women that work in the office came by and thanked me for taking charge. They said that they just didn’t know what to do. They said that it was “incredible” watching me flip to cop mode, handle the incident, and “transform” back to teacher mode. I laughed and said that they needed to go find Tim Conway and thank him. He kept his cool and got the animal out of the building.
All of this happened in a span of maybe 5 minutes. The custodian that works my hall got all the blood off the floor, the glass swept up, the window boarded, and the door glass blood free in the 15 minutes that she had until the bell rang for school to be dismissed. They really do not make enough money! My hat is off to the work ethic and efficiency of our custodial staff.
All of this action was recorded by our surveillance cameras so be looking for it to appear on Funniest Videos in the near future.
I started toward my door when I hear what sounded like a gunshot down the hall. Students started yelling. I went into the hall and turned toward the office nearby when I saw a deer running toward the outside door from the science hall.
WTF?...... I do not teach in a rural school …we are in the middle of a town, population about 60,000!
The deer was slinging blood everywhere when he hit the outside door. It opened and the deer went into the airlock between the two sets of doors. It started running back and forth between the two sets of doors; body slamming the doors and windows trying to get out.
We have a custodian that reminds me of Tim Conway doing his fireman gig. He appeared out of nowhere, shuffled slowly to the door, opened it nonchalantly, and entered the airlock area, about 25’ by 8’, WITH the frightened bloody deer. He shuffled to the outside door, opened it, and stood there as calmly as if he was holding the door for an old woman. The deer figured that the door was open and hauled ass out of it toward the elementary school across the street.
The woman that works that office was standing behind a closed door squealing like a little girl. No one was doing anything but running around like they had gone mad. I went over and told her to open the door. She went back to her desk. I told her to call 911 and ask them to dispatch animal control. She picked up her little school system radio and looked at me like I was speaking German or something. I told the other woman that works the office to call the elementary school and tell them to do a modified lock down in case the deer went into their school.
Both of these women acted like their brains had run out the door with the injured animal. I had to tell the first one to put down the radio and use the phone to call dispatch, you know 911. The other one was saying that she didn’t know the number to the school. DAMN ….get your act together.
After three tries, the woman dialed dispatch and then looked at me and said, “What do I tell them?”
Mother fuck! How about telling them that an injured deer just broke through a 2” thick glass window, ran up and down our hallway, and then left headed toward the elementary school across the street leaving our halls covered in blood and broken glass. She just looked at me so I came around the counter, took the phone from her and gave dispatch the information. They sent animal control and our SRO. I was not sure that we ever made the call to the other school so I asked dispatch to call them too.
Meanwhile, Tim Conway shuffled back into the building and disappeared. I do not believe that his heart rate ever got above 60 and he was actually within injury range of the poor animal. The women in the office who were never in harms way were having a meltdown. Their heart rate was probably in the stroke range.
The terrified, injured animal ran all over the elementary school campus and then into the residential area where he was located and neutralized by a police officer. The poor thing had been hit by a car before coming onto our campus so his injuries were severe. I still would have hated to have been the officer that had to put him down. I eat venison but I do not hunt.
I reverted to teacher mode and returned to my classroom. Three women that work in the office came by and thanked me for taking charge. They said that they just didn’t know what to do. They said that it was “incredible” watching me flip to cop mode, handle the incident, and “transform” back to teacher mode. I laughed and said that they needed to go find Tim Conway and thank him. He kept his cool and got the animal out of the building.
All of this happened in a span of maybe 5 minutes. The custodian that works my hall got all the blood off the floor, the glass swept up, the window boarded, and the door glass blood free in the 15 minutes that she had until the bell rang for school to be dismissed. They really do not make enough money! My hat is off to the work ethic and efficiency of our custodial staff.
All of this action was recorded by our surveillance cameras so be looking for it to appear on Funniest Videos in the near future.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Nothing But Net
No more teaching days this school year! Four half days with kids, lots of packing and cleaning, and I am free!
As a preface, I need to say that I NEVER touch my students. I am very careful to keep that adult / student space between us or that zone acquired as police officer. Today, these incidents occurred completely outside of my control:
Today the Seniors had Baccalaurate practice. It is our school's tradition to give cards called "Kiss a Senior Goodbye" from underclassmen and teachers after the practice. I sent several to former and current students. Several of the current students were teary eyed when they came to class, thanked me and joked about what I had written.
One of them that had been scared to have me as a teacher because of my former occupation came into the room, bear hugged me, and said through tears..."You're not so scarey afterall."
Then the former students started dropping by:
Two girls that relocated to our area because of Katrina brought me cap and gown pictures of themselves with very sweet thank you's written on the back.
A girl that relocated to our area from California during her Sophmore year, landed in my Geometry class suffering from major cultural shock, came to my room to give me a hug and tell me what an awesome PERSON I was. Not teacher ..but person. WOW!
Then, the ultimate breech in my personal space occurred. Another tall boy that I had in a lower level math class his Freshman or Sophmore year, came up, grabbed me in a hug and actually lifted me off my feet. (I am NOT a short nor light woman)He hugged me, put me down, and then laid his head on my shoulder, crying, and said, "Thanks for caring!"
This all happened within a span of 30 - 45 minutes and from a Senior class that I did not think that I had made any lasting attachment to... you just never know!
As a preface, I need to say that I NEVER touch my students. I am very careful to keep that adult / student space between us or that zone acquired as police officer. Today, these incidents occurred completely outside of my control:
Today the Seniors had Baccalaurate practice. It is our school's tradition to give cards called "Kiss a Senior Goodbye" from underclassmen and teachers after the practice. I sent several to former and current students. Several of the current students were teary eyed when they came to class, thanked me and joked about what I had written.
One of them that had been scared to have me as a teacher because of my former occupation came into the room, bear hugged me, and said through tears..."You're not so scarey afterall."
Then the former students started dropping by:
Two girls that relocated to our area because of Katrina brought me cap and gown pictures of themselves with very sweet thank you's written on the back.
A girl that relocated to our area from California during her Sophmore year, landed in my Geometry class suffering from major cultural shock, came to my room to give me a hug and tell me what an awesome PERSON I was. Not teacher ..but person. WOW!
Then, the ultimate breech in my personal space occurred. Another tall boy that I had in a lower level math class his Freshman or Sophmore year, came up, grabbed me in a hug and actually lifted me off my feet. (I am NOT a short nor light woman)He hugged me, put me down, and then laid his head on my shoulder, crying, and said, "Thanks for caring!"
This all happened within a span of 30 - 45 minutes and from a Senior class that I did not think that I had made any lasting attachment to... you just never know!
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